Maybe we should all just up and leave because, frankly, it’s a downright terrible place. Yep, really really bad. Terrible city, nothing to do here.

1. There are no green spaces

Well, apart from a few, scattered spots.

2. It’s all just made of concrete

They don’t call it The Big Smoke for nothing.

3. And there is absolutely no nature anywhere

Seriously, when was the last time you heard the birds sing?

4. Just buildings

Yep, hundreds upon hundreds of historic spots. Yawn.

5. And not even nice buildings

Can you believe they bothered to rebuild St Paul’s four times? What a waste.

6. Really, really ugly buildings

Ok, I guess this lot aren’t bad…

7. Just look at them

Eyesores, the lot of them.

8. They’re revolting

And just wait until you see the sewers…

9. Oh and Londoners never have any fun

The odd rooftop bar aside, this place is a ghost town.

10. Like, there’s absolutely nothing to do here

We honestly had to struggle just to think of a few.

11. And the food is absolutely terrible

Gordon Ramsay? Heston Blumenthal? Who?

12. It’s always the same old sh*t

Breakfast in bread? Liquid nitrogen ice cream? Get some new material, London.

13. It’s impossible to get around

We’ve only got the world’s most historic underground railway, after all.

14. And it’s always so hideous and rainy

Pretty joyless, too.

15. The city has zero character

And everything you could do is way too expensive!

16. And the people are always so miserable

Sometimes, though, the city can make you smile.

17. Seriously, why would anyone want to come here?

Be warned though: once London has you, you’re not likely to leave…

Oh god we can’t even say it with a straight face. Don’t hate us – we didn’t mean it, London. Honest!

Also published on Medium.